So yeah, it's another Sue. The first two reviews in this community have been Sues, I wasn't going to review this at first because of that, but it was just so horrifyingly OOC that, being the masochist that I am, I had to keep reading. And instead of demanding 20 minutes of my life back, I'm going to spend even more time on it by writing a review. =)
Title: A Wish Through the Seas
Warnings: Super Awesome Sue (you know the drill), much OOCness, fun for all!
I sat there staring at the water. It was really nice. Except it was quite boring. It was eerie though,
there weren’t any other ships around. I found this odd but whatever. I was on a mission. To get the “One Piece” treasure. I would then find an old lost friend and prove to him, once and for all, that I could become a pirate.
I don't know why, but for some reason this sounds familiar. I just can't put a finger on it
So as she's feeling nice, bored and getting an eerie feeling while staring at the water, she happens to come upon the Going Merry and writes them a
“Why do you speak to us with such kindess when we are your crew?” he asked.
“Because you’re not just my crew, you’re my friends!” I exclaimed.
By sheer coincidence, she seems to have a lot of things in common with Luffy! She also uses a bow and a sword. Looks like she has some things in common with Zoro and Usopp too! I wonder which one of them will fall under her spell. Because whichever one she targets surely will, of course.
So she sends the note over via arrow, which nearly hits Zoro and he is relatively IC for a shining moment (“What the hell do you think you’re doing!?!” he yelled furiously.), but do enjoy this moment. It's a rare one. He even starts to pull out his swords, but decides against it for some unknown reason. Good thing for him, too. Shizu was "in no mood" to get her own swords out. I'm sure it would be too bothersome for her to fight a little weakling like the "demon" Roronoa Zoro, famous former pirate hunter.
Luffy introduces himself to her. She laughs at his name, but also finds the name "Luffy" to be oddly familiar. I think we can see where this is going.
And, of course, Nami and Shizu share colorful words upon meeting. I really don't see why Sues can't happily coexist with Nami. It's not like she has any disdain towards women nor is she particularly jealous. But Shizu's awesomeness soon wins Nami over. At least we can be thankful that this won't be a Nami bashing fic. And Nami proves her position as the the crew's most intelligent member at this point and is absent from the rest of this story.
“That’s Usopp and the other one is Sanji.” I shook Sanji’s hand and he kissed it. I just raised my eyebrow. Okay then. To be polite, I managed a weak smile. When I shook Usopp’s hand he just blushed. What is with these people?
Why, they're instantly in love with you, Shizu! Of course! Thank you for being IC, Sanji. Usopp, on the other hand... Since when does he get all awkward and blush around women? He's traveled with three women who are all pretty damn attractive by most standards. Did he even blush and start fumbling all over himself around Kaya?
Shizu gloriously proclaims that she has been to the Grand Line twice. IC!Luffy is very impressed by this. Zoro decides that their little meeting is taking far too long.
“Hey Luffy. If you’re done playing with dolls with Shizu, we need to get going,” the swordsman said with a huff. I twitched. Why does he think because I’m a girl I play with dolls!? “Oh crap!! I know how girls get about that. I’m sorry if I sounded sexist,” he said genuinely. I meerly smiled.
First of all, a simple "Hey Luffy, we need to get going." would have done just fine. No one has mentioned any dolls so him saying this doesn't make any sense anyway. But I suppose he needed to say this so that he could apologize for his carelessness and endear himself to Shizu. Second, picturing Zoro saying "I'm sorry if I sounded sexist!" makes me want to simultaneously laugh and vomit. And that really can't be healthy. It's like every part of this dialogue is equally ridiculous. Is this another one of those "I saw a few screen caps and decided to write a story!" cases? I think I might actually feel a little better if it was.
So in chapter three, Shizu tells everyone the tragical tale of how her parents died and Shanks didn't believe in her. Yes, you read that right, Shanks. Apparently Shanks likes to befriend children and crush their dreams. Who knew? The fact that Shanks was scoping her out, but then decided that Luffy would be a better candidate for the hat makes me wonder if he makes a habit of this. Going from town to town with a fresh new hat, luring children with
Zoro is also hilariously OOC during the telling of her tale. He's on the edge of his seat the whole time and keeps encouraging her to continue (“What? Get on with the story. It’s good,” he told me. and later “You should just tell her. When her story’s done though. It’s really good.” The two came back and sat down. “Continue please,” Zoro said.). Funny, I would have imagined him to be in a coma by now.
Her and Shanks had a very emotional parting when she saw him give the hat to Luffy. Apparently Luffy missed all of this. So did I. But yeah, Shanks says something to the effect of "I don't believe in you. You don't have enough drive. Now give me a hug.". I wouldn't like this Shanks either. Also, she knew Luffy in her younger days because he was the kid who always made fun of her for wanting to become a pirate.
That makes perfect sense.
In Bizarro World.
And now we've reached the fourth and final chapter, all of these are really short. About 500 words each. Now, I don't know. To be honest, I've only gotten into reading fanfiction within the last year and before that I barely knew that it existed. But I've very quickly learned the art of dashing towards the back button when those little red flags raise. Like when Luffy kills Nami because of his undying wuv for a Sue, or when Zoro starts writing poetry
Luffy, in a stunning twist, reveals to Shizu that he was the boy from her past and they have a joyful reunion. Shizu gets out the radio so they can all celebrate her existence or something, I'm not really sure why. She has an interesting encounter with Sanji.
Sanji approached me.
“The only thing your ship doesn’t have is lovely women,” he scoffed.
You know, come to think of it, the only thing this Sue was lacking was a description of her wondrous beauty. She'd have to be pretty hideous for Sanji to treat her like crap. And that seems OOC for Sanji anyway because he's polite to women in general. Sometimes way too polite, but that's why love him.
AwkwardBlushing!Usopp is very upset by Sanji's comment:
“Shut up Sanji! There is only one girl on her ship and her name is Shizu and she’s hot!” he yelled. Immediately realizing what he said, he quickly ran out of the room with his hands covering his mouth. I smirked at Sanji who just glared after me.
...Ok, who are you people and what have you done with Usopp and Sanji? This is starting to get creepy, and I'm starting to try to rationalize why they'd be doing this in my head, and that's when it's time to start wrapping things up. But not before we get a nice little gem from Luffy:
“Hey, whatcha doing?” he asked me.
“I’m just setting up the radio so we can have a party. What’re you doing?”
“I’m looking at your ass,” he said with a laugh.
Not even Sanji would be this blunt, and he really would be checking out her ass.
Now see, pretty much everyone in this fic is OOC. Even the Sue is kind of OOC from one chapter to the next. Since all of the boys aren't acting like themselves, I'm going to play a little guessing game and decide which one this Suethor has a thing for. Zoro was awfully interested in her story, but he hasn't shown up in this chapter, maybe she forgot about him. I think it's safe to say that she doesn't like Sanji with the treatment he's getting. I'm going to go with Usopp since he's the one who's falling all over himself and calling her hot.
I started laughing with him and realized when he laughed he was really cute when he laughed. I looked away. This was not my mission. I couldn’t fall in love.
I was wrong! It's Luffy. And this is after he told her he was looking at her ass. Luffy, you suave mofo, you.
Now I'm going to scrape together my few remaining brain cells to give a nice and helpful hint to the author: You have two reviews. One of them is from yourself and the other is from someone sarcastically pointing out that you didn't upload your chapter correctly. You don't even have a "WAI~ Plz rite moer!!11" review from one of the other many Suethors that
This should tell you something.
At least you know how to format somewhat correctly. You space things into separate paragraphs and it's not all mushed together into a painful block of words like some of them are, but please do some research on the characters before you write them. And please, please spare us from the Sues.
And now, I'm done. I wash my hands of this. Good day. :D